On This Day 12.31.23

One two three one two three

I am caught up in the mess of my house as I am trying to pack and get the family engaged in this task to no avail. It is not working.

I am reminded of my poem “Mind and Body” back in November of 22 with the amber thickening and hardening my soul, unable to move.

I look back on that poem and see I am in a different place now, yet forever sticky from amber.

Agonizing

Choosing

Disrupting

Moving

Praying

Retired

Writing

I am scared. I am fearful of many things with the decision I made.

There is however, one tick on the checklist of my life right now.

I made a decision for myself.

It will be extremely difficult, and heartbreaking.

It will also be joyful like Bruce’s Thunder Road.

I will be a traveler.

I will be my own person with lots of luggage and boxes of rain.

One day I will open the moving boxes and see who I was.

She was pretty-ish, with a great sense of humor to hide the pain brought on by life. She was always trying to perfect herself without realizing she already was. She had bountiful dark hair and brown eyes that determined the weather. Her hourglass shape was a fantasy for many, including herself, as she never knew her beauty. She wanted to be a veterinarian, a lawyer, a sex therapist. She succumbed to the ethics of professional caring. Since before her sons were born she wrote and sent letters and made time capsules for them labeled “box of rain”; sealed up till they are ready to open on their own. They will see that they were and are the most perfect men in this Universe.

There will always be amber between my ribs. There will always be sorrow and pain. But it will be mine. The crows will return and grade me on my adventures. I will prove them right. They are my teachers from a far, when they came to me, a true murder of crows two years ago, they sent a message, an urgent one. I heeded their warning.

From “A Murder of Crows…”

I want my life to be mine now. I want to explore more, I want to get out of this dull and dusty comfort zone and run, not away but towards a life that has filled up my daydreams.

Here I am.

I finally took action, and that action has led me to here 12.31.23.

Easy as 1–2–3.

Happy New Year and Memento Mori.